The Pee Dee Times

              DEVOTED  TO SOUTHERN RIGHTS, AGRICULTURE, LITERATURE, AID MISCELLANEOUS NEWS.
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PEE DEE TIMES,
BSUED EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING
Georgetoicn^ S. C. BY J. VV. TAKBOX A CO.
fIJBL!SHF.R3   AND PROPRIETORS.
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PosrAGE ON THE Pee Dee Times.
To all subscribers wllUiii this District, Free.
To all subscriliers out of the District, 6} ¦cents per qnarter, or 25 cents per annum.
[i-'rciHi Porter's  Spirii ]
Fishing: On  While River,
astonished al vhe bid; 'fil'iy!—going— going—gore at fifiy.'
The fish was hnnded over lo the Hoo- sier wlio, after looking at old Joe a mo., muni; and sineiling lo see thai his prize was nol spoiled, began to walk off wilh it.'
'Slop, old fellow! you have not paid for it!' cried several.
'Paid, darnaiion!' replied the green one, coming to a halt. 'VVarn'l ihal fish gin t'l me ?' and didn't I guess fifty —and ril bet a coonskin he don't weigh enny more; and didn't that old puss bellied feller up thar giv it lo nie ?'
'No, no!' excUimed old Joe, whi'e we were nil lii)ldin>i our sides, "yuu bid fi.ty dullars for llie fish, and you've got it to pny !'
' After a sour look and a frown that was intended to tell how indignant he was, tlie Hoosier replied :
"If yer Ingin enough to take a thing back after ginin' it lo a feller, take it;' and suititig the action to the wot-d, he ihrew it at tSe auctioneer with all his strength. Our corpulent firiend having no desire to cume in coniacl wilh 'etjly- ing fish, /eaped as high as he could, and when he came down, the hogshead lop gave way   beneath   his   vveighl, and   in
Or acting " Ingin'' -with him.
Last Suniiiier, or rathci- last Sjiring, wliile .sti'ppiii;; in   Imliana, 1 formed one
o'a CO,,,,,any thai went lo the falls of| "'8 "ext instant he was floundering VV'I^ie liiter, near the village of Nevv- b.-riy. for tli<* purpose of having a regu- l.ir set, two or thiee dtiy's fishing spree, «< the ll'iosieis call ii. The firsl day of onr excutsirin lurned oui lobe wimly, «iiil wc litid no luck; tlte nexl dny, we cauglil only one smtill bass, a liille iiii;i|>l>iim turtle, a few frogs—just, fot tun of ii—iuid a bad cold. On the lliiid di«y llie lables turned, and fortune smil¬ ed U[)iii us piopituously, for we all caught fresh colds Jake Collins fell over- botird and we caught liiiii; Bill Mar¬ ling caught ihe !i;;ue, nnd Tom Burdon ciuglit a caifi.sh lliat weighed some sev¬ enty pounds.
Our 'spree' was now at an end, and we found it a inaiicr of little difficulty lo irtke home with us all thai we had cau.ulii except the big fish. It was too •l.ti'gc lo carry, and luo small to justify the hire ofs[iecial conveyance, so we weie sorely puzzled as lo whal disposi.. tion we vliould m.ike of it. At last a litippy thouglit came to our relief. Joe, the auctioneer, lurmed one of our coni- p.iiiy, and so we resolved' lo go up to IS'ew berry and sell the monster at auc¬ tion. Jt w-as just about the first of the .fishing season, and so we expecied to realize a handsome profit, by way of fun- at least.
Wliun we arrived al the village, we found about thirty persons assembled •around a htile grocery. Chuckling over :such a slieak of good luck, Joe shoul¬ dered the fish, mounted upon the head ¦of a molasses hodghead, and proceeded to business.
^Vow, gentlemen,' said he, 'how much
do you say to utart hiui? Do 1 hear fifty cents? Fifty cents, do 1 hear Illy cents ?'
But ihey did uot say, and poor Joe cried and went on at an awful rale with •out the least prospect of a bid.. Seeing Ihat our chances of a speculation were but slim, we concluded to amuse our¬ selves by bidding for ftin.
'Five dollars to start him ! said I.
'Five dollars—five—five, and going as clieap as dirt;   who says more ?'
'Ten !' said another of our company.
'Fifteen !'
And so the bids ran on lill they reach¬ ed thirty dollars—all sham, of c/>urse.
Just at that moment, a tall, gawky, looking Hoosier was seen making rapid strides towards the scene of action.— 'paving arrived, and lookfed at ihe fish or all sides, and l.stencd ;o 'thirty, and j^rig,' he bawled out :
•I say, stranger—you on that 'ar bar¬ rel, I kin do \>etter than that myself.— Jest hold on a minii, and let me hev an¬ other squint al him.    By  golly, jest say
about up to llis chin in molasses.
'Te ! lie, he !' roared the Iloosiei-, as he made tracks otF in the direction he had come. 'Te, he, he! now yer i:i a sweet  pickle.'
And so he was. With much d fficul¬ iy vve succeeded mi extricating him, af¬ ter which we jmid the damage, and star¬ ted in search of water, resi.ilving never ag-ain under any circumstances, to sel up a fish market at Newber.'-y.
A   G0 0l)~0LD   STORY.
T'here lived lalely in oneof the moun¬ tainous couniies in Western Virginia many Dutchmen, and, among them one named Henry Synder; and tliere were likewise two brothers, called George nnd Jake Fulwiler—they were all rich, aud each owned a mill, Henry Synder was subject to fits of derangement, but ihey wete not of such a nature as to render him distigreable to any one. He mere¬ ly conceived himself to be the Supreme ofthe Universe, and, while a ihrone buill, on which he sat to tiy the cause ofall who ofiended him; and passed them ofTlo heaven or hell, a.s his humor yiompied—he'peisonaling boih Judge and culjirit.
ll happend oneday that some difficul¬ ty occurred bei-/veen Henrv Svnder and the Fulvvilers, on account of llieir mills; when to be avenged, Henry Synder took along wilh him a book in which he recorded Iris judgments, and mounted his throne to try iheir cases. He was heard   to pass ihe lollowing judgments:
Having prepnred himself, (acting as Judge and yet responding for the accus- ed,) he called Fulwiler.
'Shorge Fulwilei-, stand up. What hash you been doin in dis lower world ?'
•All!  Lort, J does not know.'
'Well, Shorge Fulv.iler, hasn't you gol a mill ?'
'Yes, Lort, I iiash.'
'Well, Shorge Fulwiler, didn't you never take too much toll ?'
"Yes, Lort, I has—jvhen der water was low, and mien stones was dull, I take a leelle too much Ioil.'
'Well, den Shorge Fulwiler, must go to der left, mid der goals.'
'Well, Shake Fulwiler, now you stand up. What you been doin in dis lower woild?'
[The trial proceeded ihroughoui pre¬ cisely like the former, and with \hc same result)
"Now I tries mineself. Henry Syn¬ der! Henry Synder, sland up.' What hash you been doin in dis lower world ?" '
'An!   Lort I does nol know.'
'Well, Henry Syude.--, hasn't you got a mill-?'
'Yes, Lorl. I hash.'
'Well, Henry Synder, didn't you nev-
'Yes, Loyt I hash—when der waier wash low, and mien stones was dull, I hash taken a leetle too much toll.'
'But Henry Synder, vat did you do wid der toll.'
'Ah! Lort, I jcives it to poor.'
(Pausing.) 'Well. Henry Synder, you must go to der right mid der sheep; hut it is a tam tight squeze!"
Hoxtr to Fop the Question.
'Gracious!' says I,'it's now titne to look after Nance.'
Next day down I went. Nance was alone and Iaxed her if the 'squire was in.'    She said he wasn't.
'Cause,' said f,   making   her   believe that I wanted him, 'our colt has sprain ed   his foot, and  I come   to see   if Ihe 'squire wont lend me his mare to  go lo town.
She said she guessed he would. Td beller sit down and wait till ihe 'squire comes in.
Down 1 sot; she looked sorter strange, and my heartfelt queer'around the edge.
'Are you going dow-n to Betsy Mil¬ ler's quilting ?' after while sez she.
Sez I, 'reckon 1 would.'
Sez she, '.suppose you'll lake Patience Dodge?'
Sez J, 'I mought, and then I moughtn't.'
Sez she, "I heard you was going to gii tnarried.'
Sez I, 'I wouldn't wonder a bit.'
I looked at her and saw ihe tears cummin'.
Sez I, 'may be she'll ax you to be bridcsniaid.'
She riz up, she did, her face was red as a beet.
'Seth Stokes!' and she could not say anylhing more, she was so  full.
'Won'tyou be bridesmaid, Nance?' sez J.
'No,' sez she, and she burst righl out.
'Well, ihen,' sez I, 'if you vvon'l be the bridesmaid, will you be the bride?'
She looked at me—I sworn, I never saw anything so awful purly. I took righl holl of her hand.
Mr. Jenkins -n-as dining at a very hospitable table, but a piece of bacon near him was so very small that ihe la¬ dy of the house remarked to him :
'Pray, Mr. Jenkins, help youiself lo the bacon.    Don the afraid of it.
'No, indeed, nj^dame, I shall not be. I've seen a piece twice as large, and it didn't scare me a bit.'
'Yes or no,' sez I, 'right off.'
'Yes,' sez she.
'That's the sort,' sez I, and I gin her a buss. ! fixed matteis with the 'squire. We soon hitched iraces to trotin' dou¬ ble harness for life, and 1 never had cause lo repent my bargain.
Tbe Monkey and the Hawk.
fifty, and I'll lesk it •Fifty IjMfty !'  cried thc auctioneer,' crtake too much li.'!l ?'
The cook of a French nobleman, whose chateau is in the south cf France, hid a monkey, vyhich vvas allowed tiie free range of the kiichen, and which was so intelligent thai by pretty se¬ vere training, his natural piopensity to mischief had been subdued, and he was even taught lo perform cerlain useful services, such as plucking fowls, for in¬ stance, at which he was uncommonly experi. One fine morning, a pair of pariridges was given the monkey to pluck. The creature look ihem loan open windovv ol the kiichen, which looked direcily upon the park, and went lo work vvith great diligence. He soon finished one, which he laid on ihe ou¬ ter ledge of ihe window, and then went quietly on with the other. A hawk, w iich had been watching his p.'oceed- ings from a neighboring tree, daried down upon ihe plucked partridge, and in a minute vvas up ihe tree again, gree¬ dily devouring his prey. The conster¬ nation of the monkey at this unioward adventure may bs easily imagined. He knew he would b& severely uhippeJ forj
lo.-sing it. He hopped about in great distress for som; minuies, when sudden¬ ly a brighi thought struck him. Seiz¬ ing the remaining paitridge, he went to ( work wilh great energy, and stripped off the feathers. He then Jaid it on ihe ledge, just vvhe-'e he placed the other, and closing one of the shutters, con¬ cealed himself behind il. Tiie hawk, which by this lime had finished his meal, very soon swooped down upon ihe part¬ ridge ; bul hardly had his claw touched the bird, when the monkey sprung ujion him from behind ihe shutter. The hawk's head was inslantly wrung, and the monkey, with a triumphant chuckle, proceeiied to strip off the feathers. This done, he carrie./ the two plucked fowls lo his masier, with a confident and self. salisfied air, which seemed lo say, "Here are two birds, sir, just what you gave mz." What the cook said on finding one of the pariridges converted into a hawk is more than vve are able lo lell.
A Startling Confession.
Mordecai Paine, a saddler, doing business in North Ninth street, was call¬ ed home ftom his work-shop on Satur¬ day morning, by a n'^essenger bringing the melancholy intelligence that his wife, Barbara, had taken arsenic for the purpose of commitiing suicide, and was then al the poinl of death. He hasten¬ ed to her bedside, and found her in more agony of mind than body. She declar¬ ed that there was someihing on her mind vvhich she wished to confess to him before departure, with the hope of obtaining his forgiveness. Mr. Paine, with great emotion, desired her to go on with the disclosure, adding thai she might be sure of his forgiveness before she had made -knovvn her offence.
'A4i, -Mordecai,' said she, 'you re¬ member our large vvhile pitcher vvas broken some time ago; I pretended to you that the eat broke it, but it was false, for 1 myself did   it.'
'Oh, my dear,' said Mr. Paine, 'don't concern yourself about such a trifle. I had forgoiten the pitcher, and it mailers nol how it was broken.'
'There is another mailer,' said Mrs. P., alter hesitaiion. 'The six silver spoons which I raade you believe were stolen by the Yankee clock mender, I pawned them to raise money to pay the milliner fordoing up my pink salin bonnet.'
'Never mind il rny love,' said iMr. Paine, encouragingly. '1 hope heaven will forgive you as freely as I do '
Aftei a shorl pause Mrs. P. began again:
'Your best razor vvhich you missed last summer, and made so much to do abaui, I swapped it away to a pedlar for a lortoise shell comb.'
'The duce!—well, well,' said Mr. P., lecolleciiiig himself) 'that is all done novv, and can't be mended. Think no more of it.'
'I could not leave the world wilh such a Ihing on my conscience,' replied the fair penileni.
'Go on, go on,' cried Mr. Paine: '1 told you that I could forgive everyihing at such a lime as this.' Mrs. P. re¬ sumed :
'You remember our boai-der, Simeon Drake, who ran up a bill for six vveeks, and then went off in a hiirry vviihout paying a cent. He and I had agreed lo elope together; but he changed his mind al the last moment, and ran away wiihout me.'
'Fire and fury ! do you dare to lell me this?' cried Mordecai, in great .ex¬ citement. 'But as you are dying, 1 won't reproach you. I'll leave you now to settle ihe affair vvith your ovvn con¬ science,'
'Stay and hear one thing more,' ciied the repentant Barbara. 'The dose 1 took this morning vvas imended for you. I pul it into your coffee, but, in my hur¬ ry to get ihe thing done. I gave you ihe wrong cup and took ihe right one my¬ self
'The devil fly away with you, you jade!' roared Mordecai, as be flung himself out of the room. In ihe entry he met ihe apothecary who had sold Mrs. P. Ihe fatal powder. This medi¬ cal man had heard ot the commotion al Paine's house, and suspecting the cause of ft, he came to administer hope and comfort 10"the afflicted.
'Don'i.be alarmed, Mr Paine,' said he, 'ihe drug I sold your wife was noth- in<r but magnesia. I judged ihat she wished to destroy herself, and I tricked her in this way to save her life.'
'You swindling rascal,' shouled Paine, 'how dale you cheat a cumomer in that shameful manner, and obtain her monej" on false pretences ?    Begone !'
And vvith thisexclamaiion he violent¬ ly ejected the asionished apothecary from his front door. The man of the physic, suspeciing of course, that the poor Mordecai was deranged, sent two officers to provide for his safe keeping. His relation of the preceed dialogue, however, socn obtained !iis discharge. [Fhiladelphia Press.
Tak6  The  Papers.
BY N.
-:o:	
p.   WILLIS.
Jiuige Dooly and the Landlord.
Harper's Magazine has a correspon¬ dent in Georgia who overflows with good ihings. Hegeisoffthe following anec¬ dote :
Judge Dooly, an eminent jurist in Georgia forty years ngo, was agreat wag as well as a great judge—witty as well as M-ise. His gravity gave effect even to his jokes, and these were more fre¬ quent than his decisions. One ofhis fancies vvas to "t^ peofile down" wlio vvere in the habit of exaggeralion. The vvay he used up Austin Edwards, keep¬ er of the hotel at Elberton, is a caution lo all story tellers, of whom Auslin was the prince. He always iold ihe whole truth, and more. "It was natural," he said, "he liked on common ihings betier than common ones—'iwas a heap more amusin' anyhow." GlTe morning at breakfast, this long-bow landlord had been relating one oi his eJiraordiiiary yarns, and Judge Dooly being at the ho¬ lel andjislening to ihe slory, sal in sol¬ emn silence until it was over, and then remarked that he liad an awful dream in 5he night, and vvas very much de pressed this morning. The landlord vvas awake in a moment, and beg the judge, ifit wouldbe no violence to his feelings lo relate the dream, as all would like to hear it. The judge still declined, as it might hurt   the feelings of otheis.
"Oh, do tell il, Judge—we musi bave it," urged llie landlord; and the compa¬ ny joining in the Judge proceen'ed as if he were about to sentence a criminal lo be hung :
"Well, I dreamed last night two la-v- yers and mysell had retired to a private room to divide among us a fee reeeived from a hard case, vvhicli had been car¬ ried ihieugh with a mighty deal of lying on all hands; While wc were settling the divisien in steps the devil, who, wiih out any formality, said he luul come for us—we had told lies enough, and if he left us any^ longer we miglit repent, and so he'd lose us. We did our best lo persuade him to let us off, but he was ine.xoi:able, liil at last 1 vantured to ask if he would take a substitute.
"'Whom do you offer?' he a.sked.
'"Austin  Edw-auis,' I said,'keeper of! the Elberton Hotel.'
"'Good! he'll do,' said he, 'send him down I'll take him for all lliree ofyou ?' "
The table vvas in a roar, and ihe land¬ lord was cured, fur a time at leasl, of his habit of overdrawing. He passed away years since, and Jude Dooly is "gone too. so there is no harm done in lellinK the story.
Why don't you take the papers ?
They're the life of my delight; Except about election time,
And then I read for spite.
Sabscribe you cannot lose a cent—
Why should you be afraid: For cash thus piaid is money lent
On interest four fold paid.
Go then and take the papers, And pay to-day nor pay delay,
Aud my word it is inferred, You'll live till you are gray.
An old newspaper friend of mine,
While dying from a cough. Desired to here the latest news,
While he was dying off.
I took the paper and I read Of some new Pills iu force ;
He bought a box—and is he dead? No—heany as a horse.
I knew a printer's debtor once, Racked whh a scorching fever,
Who swore to pay her debt next day, If her distress would leave her.
Next morning she was at her work,
Divested of her pain. But did forget to  pay her debt,
Till taken down again.
" Here, Jessie, take these silver wheels.
And pay ihe printer now !" She slept and slept, and then awoke.
With health upon her brow.
I knew two men, as much aUlce, As e'er you savv two stumps;
And no  phrenologist could fiud A difference in their bumps. .
One takes the papers, and his life • ¦ Is happier than a king'.= ; .His children all can read and write. And talk of men and thing.'i.
The other took no paper, and
Wiiile stroUing ihrough the wood,
A tree fell down and broke his crown, And killed him, " very good."
Had he been reading of the news, At home, like neighbor Jim,
I'll  bet a cent that accident
Would not have happened him.
Why don't you take the papers ?
Nor from the printer sneak. Because you borrow of his boy
A paper every week.
For he who takes the papers. And pays his bills vvhen dne,
Can live in peace with God and man, And with the printer too.
Four Solenui Ijine.s. Four lines more beautiful   ihtm these are rarely   wrilien.    The  figure  which is involved is exquisite-
"A solemn murmur ih the soiil
Tells of this world to be, As travellers hear the billows roll,
Before they rcacTi the sea."
Bt.ij^'alo Express.,
Four worse lines than liiese are rare¬ ly vvrilten. The figure which it in¬ volved is aWful:
'•' A solemn miirititif 'niongst the throng,
Tells how- impatiently Tho boarders listen for the gong, To call them in to tea."
Zancsville Aurora.
Four hnes morfe   truthful ilian    tliese are   rarely written.    The  figure   whicli "it'"   involves is   absolultly painful; '-' A solemn buzzing in your ear,
When you retire to bed^ Tells you that swilling lager beer Is dreadlul for the head."
[Louisv'die Ilerahl.
A Bore.—I want to see some of your gimblets, said a green horn, one day as he entered a hardware store. The deal¬ er look down several parcels, neilher ol which suiled. Well, then, what kind do you want ? hei-e is almost every va¬ riety. Why, darn il, I want them iliii bores square liojcs.
Grief knits two beans in closer bonds than happiness ever ciifi; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common   joys.
A GOOD ciinslitui'on is like^ a in'mey- box—the full value of il is never prop, erly known until it is broken.
Who was the man who first intro- duced sail provisions in the navy ?— Noah;  for he i"ok Ham into the ark.
In' .k B.+b Box.—A man pretty cmn- forUibly drunk was holding on to a post at Builinszton Slip, when a fiiend in- quired what vvas ihe matter. "Matier," said the   fellow,  "I'm in a  quandary Y'
"What do you mean by a quandary ?" said his fiienii, "Why, if 1 hold on here I shall freeze to dealh, and ifl let i-u i shall laii iulo ihe du'-'k "
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